The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
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any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
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he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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