I'm sorry my penis didn't work
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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