Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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