there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize