my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize