i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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