I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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