i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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