i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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