Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
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On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
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I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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