Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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