"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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