Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize