i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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