You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize