you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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