i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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