My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize