any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize