He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
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Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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