He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
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Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
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He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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