Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
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Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
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Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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