I am puke
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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