I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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