i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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