Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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