If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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