Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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