you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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