as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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