I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
Hypothermia
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize