Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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