I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
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Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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