Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize