question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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