My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
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why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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