if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
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She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
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I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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