I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
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He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
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Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
MIDGETS
????
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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