Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
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they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
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Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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