I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize