Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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