I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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