We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize