3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize