Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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