Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize