i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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