Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
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I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
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yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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