She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
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