i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize